i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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