I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
