Apparently you make a good broom.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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