i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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