tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
How's work?
Spinning.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
