Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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