Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
