i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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