why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
