I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
