I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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