I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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