Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
