I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think i have two assholes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
