Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
