Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
