i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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