Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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