who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
