My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
