I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
