Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
