haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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