Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
