apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
