He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
