I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
