There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
