I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
