I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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