I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
