I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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