I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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