True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
