i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
