My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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