i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
