I accidentally had phone sex last night
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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