You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
