Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
