i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
