I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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