We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
