Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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