She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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