I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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