imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
