Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
