I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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