So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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